My life's weakness

I feel weak... i feel as if I'm going to be sick.. I can feel the panic in me taking over, I cannot seem to stop shaking. I can only stop crying long enough to wipe away the tears, only for fresh tears to fall down my face.

Why did I have to check my email? I hate checking my email, I'm always in fear of finding that one email. It terrifies me at the thought of finding one, but to log in and see a new message awaiting from Dave.

Even something as simple as a possible act of kindness can send my world crashing down, he wants my address. My address so he can send me some of my personal belongings he found. Should I trust it? I have every reason to be in fear, and not trust it.

This is the man who tore my heart out multiple times, and are holding my children hostage, this is a man who ripped my children away from me, and fled the province, a man who hates me, is angry and has very little care for me or my family. Why should I trust his intentions, no matter how kind they are?

I don't have a lawyer yet. I still have had no word from legal services on being able to locate a lawyer for me, I'm not ready for court, I'm not ready to face him in court yet. If he's planning to take legal action, it could be devastating to my plans, it could be disastrous just as my last court appearance this past summer.

On the flip side, I will have his address then. But its still not enough at the price of not being prepared to meet in courts. I do hope, this out reach from him, is truly an attempt at an act of kindness. But who can blame me for questioning it? I'm doing the right thing, I hope, in protecting myself and even though it will take longer, I believe this is in the best interest for myself.

.... I am doing the right thing, right?